That 80s Fic
by D.L. SchizoAuthoress
Summary: The Orderless Universe--Neville accidentally makes a Youth Elixir that turns Severus, Lucius, Remus, and Sirius into hormonal teenagers. The Maurauders ride again; the Coven welcomes old members.


"That 80s Fic"  
Part One - C'est plus qu'un crime, c'est une faute  
  
'It is worse than a crime, it is a blunder'  
  
A/N: This is a non-canon fic for my "The Forgotten People" series. It was actually thought of long before I ever started the series, and will work as a springboard for certain characters introduced within.  
  
"C'est plus qu'un crime, c'est une faute"  
  
It was relatively quiet in the dungeons that afternoon. Severus Snape did not trust quiet Potions classes, especially double Potions with Gryffindors and Slythrins. Something bad was just waiting to happen...  
  
Lucius Malfoy was in the back of the classroom, leaning casually on the stone sink where students disposed of their usually failed attempts at potion-brewing. His simple presence could be causing the odd, uncomfortable hush. It was well known that he harbored a stong, shall we say, dislike for Gryffindors in general and Harry Potter in specific. Much like Severus himself.  
  
Malfoy was there under the pretense of acquiring a sleeping potion for his wife Narcissa, which she actually did need, but he had voluteered to get it from the Hogwarts Potions Master because they "needed to talk." What about, only he knew...though Severus had his suspicions.  
  
It didn't matter at the time, because Remus Lupin (Dumbledore had somehow convinced the Ministry to let him hire that, that werewolf again, thereby denying Severus his DADA job for one more year, probably forever) was coming down the dungeon stair with a paralyzed boomslang. His mutt, Snuffles, followed at the man's heels like a faithful... well, mutt. Severus scowled, his supply of boomslang skin had become mysteriously depleted about three years ago, and it had taken him this long to find a cache of them in Scotland. He just *knew* that Potter was behind it somehow.  
  
"The equipment is in my office," He growled, not looking at his old 'enemy,' "And don't touch the potion I'm working on in there."  
  
Lupin nodded and entered Snape's office. Snuffles padded over to Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom, who were paired up only because Ron had come down with the Volgandian Stomach Flu and was currently throwing up his intestines in the Hospital Wing.  
  
Lucius Malfoy allowed himself a sinister chuckle (oh, he was proud of that laugh, it made everybody sort of freeze and be afraid, be very afraid...) as he thought superior thoughts about his social status compared to that tatterdemalion, Professor Lupin. Severus sent Lucius one of his trademark glares, the one that Lucius really loved, with his black, black eyes sending firey annoyance through the dark curtain of the hair that fell in his face.  
  
Suddenly, Harry hissed loudly, "Neville, not the sage!"  
  
Severus redirected the glare to Neville, who promptly turned into a jelly-brained puddle of Gryffindor pitifulness. But the potion was the main point of concern, for it had turned bright orange and was boiling, although it was a cold-start elixer and should have been sky blue.  
  
"Lupin!" Severus shouted, "Get me the newts' eyes! Hurry!"  
  
Lucius leaped off the sink and moved like a stream of quicksilver through the ranks of suddenly terrified students. Severus looked horrified, Severus was never afraid of a pupil's screwups...  
  
"Both of you back!" Severus ordered. Harry had to kick Neville to snap him out of jelly-puddle mode and drag him back. The other students near their cauldron were instantly on the other side of the room.  
  
Remus emerged with the jar of newts' eyes, Lucius reached Severus, Snuffles jumped for Lucius's throat, Severus grabbed the jar from his fellow professor, and the volatile potion exploded. All at the same time. Lucius was slammed to the stone floor, pinned by...  
  
"Sirius Black!"  
  
Severus let off a volley of multi-lingual expletives, and Remus lifted his thoroughly soaked hair out of his eyes.  
  
"What is this?" He asked fearfully.  
  
"In all my days of teaching you brats," Severus screamed, and Neville reverted to a jelly-puddle, "have I ever heard of a student who could make an exlosive Youth elixer!"  
  
"Youth Elixer?!" The other three adults cried in horror, just before their bodies burst into colored flame: scarlet for Remus, gold for Sirius, silver for Lucius, and green for Severus. It was a painless fire, and once it had gone out, four teenage boys had replaced the adults. Thankfully, their clothes had also changed to fit them in their present form.  
  
"You bloody stupid Gryff! Get off!" Young Lucius snapped, shoving Sirius back.   
  
"Oh, bloody hell." Remus sighed, shocking those who had never heard him curse, meaning the studets.  
  
Sirius glared hatefully at Severus, who was returning it with all his Slythrinic glaring prowess. Sirius backed down first.  
  
Teenage Severus turned to his students, shaking with barely contained rage, "Get. Out. Now."  
  
The students broke international speed records going up those stairs. 


End file.
